I'm a frickin liar

That's right I'm a liar and I can't stand it anymore. I have always hid a part of me from anyone else for no real reason, even my dear wife. These lies, hiding and omitting have changed their focus over the years. Some examples are inappropriate sexual thoughts or activities, this was in the distant past, drug and alcohol use, distant past, financial issues and accumulated debt, the hear and now. I have deceived my wife about me incurring credit debt and not telling her or denying it if she asks. What an ass I've been, I don't blame her if she leaves me even after 28 years. My biggest lies are to myself and are the most damaging, it is a way to abdicate responsibility for myself or my actions. The French philosopher Sartre called it self deception and goes into detail about how destructive it really is. I have found out for myself and am very disappointed in me. Maybe I'm lying now. Oh crap! I can't even forgive myself let alone expect my wife to forgive me. Oh crap!