Wine talk today!

I love Zin it's our states own wine. I've always dreamed of my own vineyard and winery. I grew grapes and made some wine up in Oregon, it wasn't too good I must admit. I made wine from a kit and it was acceptable. My entire career has been in horticulture and landscape maintenance, I think I can transfer that experience to a vineyard. "Dad's Vines" on an old white washed board hand lettered in red paint, nailed to a tree or post. I live within driving distance of UC Davis which is the place to learn viticulture and have looked in to classes or getting a certificate. I've even looked at land and established vineyards for sale in Northern California. I am not crazy and this dream can be made reality if I want it bad enough and make it happen. Just expressing this makes me happy and motivated to take another step in the direction of my winery.

Today is a good day.

Today is a good one because I choose it to be. I was in a funk and now I'm not. I'll tell you what it can be really hard to keep myself positive. I am doing it now and will train myself to go in the right direction. Anyway life is good, God is good, it's all good.

Why would anyone read my pathetic rants?

Ya know I'm just wondering why I write this crap. Oh yeah it's cause I don't have any one to listen to me. Surely not my dear wife. It seems all I do for her is disappoint. OOOOO that sounds a bit ugly now , doesn't it. Well I feel pretty negative today. I guess I am not the person my wife of 28 years wants anymore. Same old story, I am who I am. Sorry! Well this goes on and on like this and it really gets me nowhere as usual. OK I just got to accept it for what it is, CRAP. So this is midlife and it can really suck sometimes. I'll stop now cause nobody including myself wants to here anymore. See Ya

Just Talking To Myself

But that's OK. I know what I keep harping on is nothing new, these are the same questions as have always been asked. I don't know if I'll stumble on some sliver of light that will illuminate the path I'm supposed to follow. I will keep searching and praying because faith in God, the fact that there is way more than meets the eye is comforting. I just want to be productive, creative and of some kind of service to this existence. Is that really so much to ask of myself, I don't think so. It's just a matter of figuring out what to do. I am so tired of mediocrity and lethargy that I can't stand it. So I ramble through my thoughts and try to come up with answers. Is anybody in me? Whoa!

It's Friday and it's raining

As if that means something. I don't know, maybe a symbol for my boring life. The wife thinks I'm lazy or just not motivated. Well negativity doesn't get me going and that seems to be all there is sometimes. I have promised myself this year will be different, but it's starting out just like so many others. Well I'm out of here for now. See Ya

Highest and Best Use of My Life

This is one of those questions that I keep asking myself. I surely know that I'm wasting a huge amount of resources the main one being my soul. Not to mention my mind, my heart, my energy, my time. It' all just slipping through my fingers. Why do I go to a job I hate everyday, why do I live where I don't want to live, why, why, why? Year after year and soon those years will be use up and there won't be another tomorrow. The highest and best use of my life? I haven't a clue what that might be. I keep praying to God to show me to guide me, but I can't hear him yet.

Midlife Crisis or Catharsis you choose.

What the heck happened to us we were gonna change the world? Where did all that idealistic passion disappear to? Did we all sellout and become what we used to dispise? These are just a small sample of the questions I have been asking myself lately. I suspect that a lot of us so called "Babyboomers" are asking simular questions, are any of you finding answers? It's up to us to find our own way through this maze of MIDLIFE will it be a crisis or will it be your catharsis? I say that I am gonna rise from the ashes of the past and start a big fire under my ass. I will regain passion and purpose in my life. Along the way I will reach out to you for ideas, stories, successes and I will share mine. I hope some of my ranting will strike a cord and help us all through the rest.